lunes, mayo 30, 2005
Random stuff I find entertaining:
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/american_idle_numa.html
Trick Question
A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbor strolls over. The neighbor tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds. Finally, the neighbor asks what the problem is.
"Well," the man says, "I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I'm in the doghouse."
"What kind of question?" the neighbor asks.
"My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly."
"That's easy," says the neighbor. "You just say, 'Of course I will'".
"Yeah," says the other man, "that's what I meant to say. But what came out was, 'Of course I do.'"
Heck of a Day
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says "Wow! You must have had one heck of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said "Goodness! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
Taking Offence
A man walks into a bar, absolutely infuriated. He grabs a seat and hunches over. The bartender leans over, saying, "What can I get'ya?" The man orders a beer. As the bartender gives him the beer he asks him why he's in such a mood. The man replies, "Lawyers are a-holes, man." Suddenly, a man in the back stood up. "HEY BUDDY, I TAKE OFFENCE TO THAT!" The man sitting down scowels and says "What are you: a lawyer?" The man replies "NO, I'M AN A-HOLE".
Vacuum Sales
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"GO AWAY!" yelled the old lady, aggravated. "I haven't got any money," and she tried to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse dung all over her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse dung from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a freaking good appetite because the electricity was cut off this morning."
Ugly Bus
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."
Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are
Dementia - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas
Narcissistic - Hark The Herald Angels Sing About Me
Manic - Deck The Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Offices and towns and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...
Paranoid - Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me
Borderline Personality - Thoughts Of Roasting On An Open Fire
Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
Obsessive Compulsive - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells..............
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/american_idle_numa.html
Trick Question
A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbor strolls over. The neighbor tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds. Finally, the neighbor asks what the problem is.
"Well," the man says, "I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I'm in the doghouse."
"What kind of question?" the neighbor asks.
"My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly."
"That's easy," says the neighbor. "You just say, 'Of course I will'".
"Yeah," says the other man, "that's what I meant to say. But what came out was, 'Of course I do.'"
Heck of a Day
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says "Wow! You must have had one heck of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said "Goodness! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
Taking Offence
A man walks into a bar, absolutely infuriated. He grabs a seat and hunches over. The bartender leans over, saying, "What can I get'ya?" The man orders a beer. As the bartender gives him the beer he asks him why he's in such a mood. The man replies, "Lawyers are a-holes, man." Suddenly, a man in the back stood up. "HEY BUDDY, I TAKE OFFENCE TO THAT!" The man sitting down scowels and says "What are you: a lawyer?" The man replies "NO, I'M AN A-HOLE".
Vacuum Sales
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"GO AWAY!" yelled the old lady, aggravated. "I haven't got any money," and she tried to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse dung all over her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse dung from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a freaking good appetite because the electricity was cut off this morning."
Ugly Bus
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."
Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are
Dementia - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas
Narcissistic - Hark The Herald Angels Sing About Me
Manic - Deck The Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Offices and towns and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...
Paranoid - Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me
Borderline Personality - Thoughts Of Roasting On An Open Fire
Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
Obsessive Compulsive - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells..............