domingo, mayo 22, 2005
In response to Sarah's most recent post (5/21/05):
Okay, so it was gradual. Was ours not gradual? Ever since the first time you and Matt were together or whatever you want to call it, our friendship started to fade.
"Our friendship meant more to me than anything. I can't see how you can think that I didn't care." Yes, clearly it meant SO much to you that you decided to risk it AGAIN.
"You know, we made a promise not to let guys get in the way of our friendship. Guess what? I kept that promise. You didn't. I broke up with Matt, yes, for you. You don't seem to get how much that hurt. How much I really didn't want to do that. But I did. And now I've learned. I am not letting a guy get between us, you are. You won't give him a chance. All you have to do is ignore him. If you don't want me to drag you down, then just leave me then." Mhmmmm. You kept that promise, huh? You really did? Then what's happening RIGHT NOW? Why are we fighting? Oh yeah! Because you're letting a guy get in the way. But so am I because I already tried. I tried to get along with him, but he has the exact personality that I just can't stand. You do realize that he doesn't even WANT us to be friends, don't you? If he could have it his way, we wouldn't have been best friends. He may act like he cares, but that's only because he doesn't want you to be hurt. He doesn't want us to be friends. In fact, you can even ask Trevor to back me up on this one: After the Superlative Show, Matt took me and Trevor home, right? Well, in the car, we were talking about who would get different awards next year from our grade. Trevor said something about you and me getting "Joined at the Hip." I said that would be awesome, but I didn't know how many people would vote for us. Trevor said he would, I said I would and that our English class would and probably our History class would, but Matt said he would NOT. I found that interesting. Trevor and I were both shocked. Why wouldn't he vote for us? He said he would vote for people he thought would better deserve it. (He also threw in the unwanted information that he was wearing Brian's boxers at the time. Excuse us for not wearing each other's under garments!) That gave me a little warning and hint as to how he felt about us being friends. Call it paranoid, but you have to know it's true: Matt would rather us NOT be friends.
"They're nice, yes, I like them, yes, I can tell them my problems, yes, but they lack qualities that you have. They could never take your place." Apparently Matt can. He was always the one you went to for help. By all means, take him. He and I can't stand each other. He's like an insecticide sprayed onto you that wards me off. I can't go near you when he's around.
"I wish...I wish somehow I could get inside your head and understand what's going on, but I can't. I don't get it. I just...can't understand. And you can't understand what I'm thinking. Everything is just too complicated." It really isn't that complicated. Matt and I can't stand each other. All he's done to fix this is criticize me, insult me, and write me a long e-mail, in which he whined about his troublesome past. And that was all over a month ago. However, thank goodness.
"But I learned something from it. You are, whether you believe it or not, better off for your experience with that. And I know I will be too. Maybe I am making a mistake. But I want to make it." You know what it did for me? It took away my happy innocence and ignorance of guys. I can't believe I ever dated the guy. It still doesn't seem real. I look at him (rarely) and can't believe we actually dated. We don't need to date at our age. My parents were more right to make our dating age 29. I more-than-not wish I had never dated him. There were happy times, yes, but I am having such a hard time picturing myself dating again. I just don't think I can do it. Of course, I know that'll change in college. But, right now, I'm enjoying being single. I am able to be myself and not care what guys think. Of course, I never really HAVE cared what guys think of me, but still. True, you don't want to be single right now. Sarah, there are things I need to say to you that I can't even put up on my blog. I'll tell you this much:
I talked to Sra. Gomez at Tim's Eagle Scout Ceremony yesterday (Saturday). She said she was somewhat surprised not to see "Sarita" with me. I had that look on my face like, "Heh... uh... yeah, about that..." She had that concerned look on her face, so I told her that our friendship was kinda dying. She asked me what happened. It seems she kinda already knew what the problem was. My answer: "Matthew Brewster." She asked me if I disapproved of it. I said, "Well, so do her parents." She told me that she had just gone through something extremely similar to this. Sra. Gomez said that her friend was starting to go out with a guy that was not very good for her. She would talk to her friend on the phone and warn her, but she held back from bad-mouthing the guy, as much as she wanted to say stuff about him. I could tell this wasn't a very good guy and that Sra. Gomez really disapproved. She told me that all she could do was tell her how she felt about the situation. I told her, "Yeah, that's what I did, but everyone made ME look like the bad guy." She said she felt the exact same way. I told her that I told you that I would be there for you when you needed it but that I would not fall with you again. She said that's what I should have done. We both agreed that we didn't and still won't support our friends' decisions but that we will be there when they need help. Even adults go through this. Of course, our situation IS a little different than theirs.
Like I said, there are things I need to tell you. However, I know they'll probably only encourage you, based on what you've said before. At least I'll give you more warning. Look, I don't hate Matt, and I don't think he's a terrible person. But I DON'T think he is a good influence on you, and I am disgusted when I think of him taking away your innocence. Not THAT kind of innocence, but innocence nonetheless. It's what I need to talk to you about.
I really hate that Scott is the last guy I've kissed. It really bugs me. I HATE that word, too! The "k-word." Agh. I can't stand it. I sure as brick hope you don't have to feel like this. Actually, I almost hope you do just so that you can understand. Look, your parents don't approve. I don't approve. You'd think you'd get a little hint. Your parents may not know him very well, but I DO know him pretty well. Duh, he's a different person around you, but how great can he be if he was a complete JERK to your best friend? No matter what I say, you're not going to change your mind. Go let today pervert your mind. Go let society influence you. This country is gross in so many ways and on SO many levels. *throws arms into air* Go be sinful. Just go.
Okay, so it was gradual. Was ours not gradual? Ever since the first time you and Matt were together or whatever you want to call it, our friendship started to fade.
"Our friendship meant more to me than anything. I can't see how you can think that I didn't care." Yes, clearly it meant SO much to you that you decided to risk it AGAIN.
"You know, we made a promise not to let guys get in the way of our friendship. Guess what? I kept that promise. You didn't. I broke up with Matt, yes, for you. You don't seem to get how much that hurt. How much I really didn't want to do that. But I did. And now I've learned. I am not letting a guy get between us, you are. You won't give him a chance. All you have to do is ignore him. If you don't want me to drag you down, then just leave me then." Mhmmmm. You kept that promise, huh? You really did? Then what's happening RIGHT NOW? Why are we fighting? Oh yeah! Because you're letting a guy get in the way. But so am I because I already tried. I tried to get along with him, but he has the exact personality that I just can't stand. You do realize that he doesn't even WANT us to be friends, don't you? If he could have it his way, we wouldn't have been best friends. He may act like he cares, but that's only because he doesn't want you to be hurt. He doesn't want us to be friends. In fact, you can even ask Trevor to back me up on this one: After the Superlative Show, Matt took me and Trevor home, right? Well, in the car, we were talking about who would get different awards next year from our grade. Trevor said something about you and me getting "Joined at the Hip." I said that would be awesome, but I didn't know how many people would vote for us. Trevor said he would, I said I would and that our English class would and probably our History class would, but Matt said he would NOT. I found that interesting. Trevor and I were both shocked. Why wouldn't he vote for us? He said he would vote for people he thought would better deserve it. (He also threw in the unwanted information that he was wearing Brian's boxers at the time. Excuse us for not wearing each other's under garments!) That gave me a little warning and hint as to how he felt about us being friends. Call it paranoid, but you have to know it's true: Matt would rather us NOT be friends.
"They're nice, yes, I like them, yes, I can tell them my problems, yes, but they lack qualities that you have. They could never take your place." Apparently Matt can. He was always the one you went to for help. By all means, take him. He and I can't stand each other. He's like an insecticide sprayed onto you that wards me off. I can't go near you when he's around.
"I wish...I wish somehow I could get inside your head and understand what's going on, but I can't. I don't get it. I just...can't understand. And you can't understand what I'm thinking. Everything is just too complicated." It really isn't that complicated. Matt and I can't stand each other. All he's done to fix this is criticize me, insult me, and write me a long e-mail, in which he whined about his troublesome past. And that was all over a month ago. However, thank goodness.
"But I learned something from it. You are, whether you believe it or not, better off for your experience with that. And I know I will be too. Maybe I am making a mistake. But I want to make it." You know what it did for me? It took away my happy innocence and ignorance of guys. I can't believe I ever dated the guy. It still doesn't seem real. I look at him (rarely) and can't believe we actually dated. We don't need to date at our age. My parents were more right to make our dating age 29. I more-than-not wish I had never dated him. There were happy times, yes, but I am having such a hard time picturing myself dating again. I just don't think I can do it. Of course, I know that'll change in college. But, right now, I'm enjoying being single. I am able to be myself and not care what guys think. Of course, I never really HAVE cared what guys think of me, but still. True, you don't want to be single right now. Sarah, there are things I need to say to you that I can't even put up on my blog. I'll tell you this much:
I talked to Sra. Gomez at Tim's Eagle Scout Ceremony yesterday (Saturday). She said she was somewhat surprised not to see "Sarita" with me. I had that look on my face like, "Heh... uh... yeah, about that..." She had that concerned look on her face, so I told her that our friendship was kinda dying. She asked me what happened. It seems she kinda already knew what the problem was. My answer: "Matthew Brewster." She asked me if I disapproved of it. I said, "Well, so do her parents." She told me that she had just gone through something extremely similar to this. Sra. Gomez said that her friend was starting to go out with a guy that was not very good for her. She would talk to her friend on the phone and warn her, but she held back from bad-mouthing the guy, as much as she wanted to say stuff about him. I could tell this wasn't a very good guy and that Sra. Gomez really disapproved. She told me that all she could do was tell her how she felt about the situation. I told her, "Yeah, that's what I did, but everyone made ME look like the bad guy." She said she felt the exact same way. I told her that I told you that I would be there for you when you needed it but that I would not fall with you again. She said that's what I should have done. We both agreed that we didn't and still won't support our friends' decisions but that we will be there when they need help. Even adults go through this. Of course, our situation IS a little different than theirs.
Like I said, there are things I need to tell you. However, I know they'll probably only encourage you, based on what you've said before. At least I'll give you more warning. Look, I don't hate Matt, and I don't think he's a terrible person. But I DON'T think he is a good influence on you, and I am disgusted when I think of him taking away your innocence. Not THAT kind of innocence, but innocence nonetheless. It's what I need to talk to you about.
I really hate that Scott is the last guy I've kissed. It really bugs me. I HATE that word, too! The "k-word." Agh. I can't stand it. I sure as brick hope you don't have to feel like this. Actually, I almost hope you do just so that you can understand. Look, your parents don't approve. I don't approve. You'd think you'd get a little hint. Your parents may not know him very well, but I DO know him pretty well. Duh, he's a different person around you, but how great can he be if he was a complete JERK to your best friend? No matter what I say, you're not going to change your mind. Go let today pervert your mind. Go let society influence you. This country is gross in so many ways and on SO many levels. *throws arms into air* Go be sinful. Just go.